ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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