Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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