I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
