You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would fuck him just for his dog
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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