did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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