We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
