It's Friday. Sex?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
