Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
