im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
