You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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