There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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