I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
