My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
