I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
