it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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