i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
