I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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