I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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