You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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