when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're like the curious george of whores
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize