the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
