Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
