that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
