he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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