I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
