im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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