Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
