dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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