wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
