I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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