at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
