Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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