it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think my moral compass just broke
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
