Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
