is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
