Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
