he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
