How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
