She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
