let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
