I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
