Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
