i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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