GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
