I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
