Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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