Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
