who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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