2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
