halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
