Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
