my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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