I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize