how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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