omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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