dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
