So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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