the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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