I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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