Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
