Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
