Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
