My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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