Jerry, you need to find god
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
