youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
