Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
