is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
