He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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