she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
