He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
