Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
