it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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