I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
