Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
