found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize