There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
