since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
