I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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