yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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