Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These tits shall not be calmed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
