i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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