I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
