Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
