It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have surprise drugs for everyone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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