On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
