4 words: hood of his car
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
