I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
