Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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