Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
