i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
