You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
