My first STD was from a foam party
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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