Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
