i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
