using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
