tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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