we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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