isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
