if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
