Fuck appropriateness.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
